Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Brief Encounters of the Human Kind II: Sex Talk
It must have been a Sunday, because the church along the riverside was about to start its service.
Even before I registered it, my dog Luca had already noticed that the gate to the church’s compound was open and she ran off to look for her friend Erly, a beautifully orange coloured sort of bloodhound. As scary looking as he might be, he’s in fact very friendly. He loves my Luca and getting his ears scratched. But the guard who stood before the gate, a big revolver stuffed in the back of his jeans, didn’t know that and took a step back in order to avoid being in the middle of a possible dog fight.
“Don’t worry!” I yelled, because I’d never seen the man before and didn’t know how he would react. “They’re friends!”
“Oh,” he answered, still somewhat unsure, and lowered his sombrero over his forehead. Then he added: “Ah, I see. She’s a female. No problem then.”
“Nope.” I answered.
The man, whose age was indefinable, but far from young, stood observing the dogs that were sniffing each others butts and excitingly wagging their tails. Then he asked:
“But aren’t you worried she might get pregnant?”
“No. She’s fixed.”
“Operated. She can’t have puppies.”
“Ah! I see! The same way they fix women too!”
“Well, yes, pretty much so.”
“So just like women, she doesn’t get in the heat anymore?”
I started to feel slightly uncomfortable, but answered nonetheless.
“Actually, she does. She didn’t get a hysterectomy. She just got her tubes tied, if you know what I mean.”
“Yes, yes… of course…” The man looked thoughtful.
“That’s good then,” he continued. “Because I’ve heard that if you cut a man’s balls off, he can’t, you know… anymore…”
By now I really wanted to walk on, but felt obliged set this straight. So I explained that only male dogs get neutered (Their balls cut off, was the expression I actually used), while with humans they do the tube tying thingy. And they still can have sex. Both men and women.
“Oh. Okay.” The man looked relieved. He absently played with the butt of his revolver. “That is good to know!”
Then a car with late worshippers needed us to clear the gate. This was my cue.
“Well, goodbye, have a good day!” I said, while dragging Luca away from the love of her life.
“Yes, you too! Nice talking to you!”
Sex talk with a stranger on a Sunday morning in front of a church. Hallelujah!